Goodbye to Sylvia

This weekend, I’m going to a memorial service for my beloved mother-in-law, Sylvia Kurth. She died last April and I am still missing her like crazy. Not just missing her, but missing my experience of myself with her. She was a person who would naturally and with total ease, shine a light on your goodness. She was generous with her support, with her acknowledgements and with her spirit. And she made a point of letting you know exactly how wonderful she thought you were. She embodied the sanskrit word, “mudita” - taking absolute delight in the light and accomplishments of others - and she embodied gratitude. 

Gratitude was her spiritual practice and her super power. Paying attention to the good was one way she expressed her devotion.

I found this saying on a piece of well-worn paper in her things - a poem torn from a church service program that she thought worthy of saving.

As many of you know, I often teach the importance of gratitude from a neurological, psychological and physical perspective. I’ve read lots of books and research studies on the topic but nothing has taught me as much about gratitude as observing Sylvia.

She was my role model for how to cultivate a grateful life.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’ve never had an interaction with her that didn’t involve some mention of her deep appreciation for her particular life. She took so much pleasure in her flowers, her dog and the simple pleasure of sitting in a comfy chair and watching the natural world "wake up". And of course, the multitudes of people she was in relationship with - from her children and grandchildren, to her neighbors and choir friends, to the postal carrier and the Meals on Wheels volunteers. She appreciated every single person, regardless of the role they played. And she expressed that appreciation in words, with small gifts and with hours logged making cards and putting flowers in little blue vases.

And she was happier for it. She showed us that paying attention to beauty, naming it, and offering thanks and prayers for it, makes for a happier life. 

That is what Sylvia gave me - a window into the beauty and pleasure and joy found in a grateful life. She paid attention to what was lovely and in attending to beauty, she nourished it, she sharpened her gaze towards it, she saw it with more ease and more clarity and she purposefully sweetened her life. 

Sylvia knew in the most personal way, what Brother David Steindl-Rast is often quoted for:

"It’s not happiness that makes us grateful.
It’s gratefulness that makes us happy."

Thank you Sylvia. I promise to be your apprentice for all of my days.

And thank you, for reading. I appreciate you and your time and your energy.

Much love,

Rachel

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